Last weekend, we had been at my son Reza’s house for his oldest son Saif’s 13th birthday party; it was a beautiful day and the party was a super hit as always. Family and Saif’s friends gathered by the pool and tons of food and fun. Yesterday, I was at Sandy Hook with my daughter Sonia and her family. It was an amazing hot day perfect for the beach. We watched Nyla romp around in the surf, and could not have been more grateful for the beautiful weather and a chance to be together. Today was a bit cooler, and so we went to Van Saun Park for a fall fest with my daughter Mona and her kids. Again, it was a gorgeous fall day with the promise of fall, but still warm and sunny. Pasha and Sevi had a great time on the rides. And we were grateful for another outdoors day with family.
As we were leaving and loading everyone into our car, another car was waiting to take our spot. Because of that a third car was going too slow for the fourth car behind the third one. Well, the next thing we heard was loud cursing through open windows by the driver of the fourth car, who could not wait the minute or two that the third car needed to go around the second car. We were amazed at the anger that that little delay generated in the driver. My daughter reminded him that little kids were around, and he meekly said sorry. How easily some people get triggered! What made me happy is we didn’t get triggered by his triggers! And I suppose that when such behavior is taken to extreme, that is when people hurt each other.
Nevertheless, this incident made me think of a saying that my uncle Dr. Abdul Raouf always said: Islam is just two things- patience and gratitude. And I am sure all faith practices could claim these teachings. Patience is a great practice and the rewards are always sweet, even though we may not recognize the rewards when they show up. For example, after Hurricane Ida, we had a few inches of flooding in our basement. As we searched for different professionals, from mold mitigation to drainage experts, I started to get very worried and anxious, and lost much sleep, finally ending in a tonsil infection a week ago. And then, magically, we found a contractor and he was going to help us on all the restoration efforts – inside and outside. If I had more patience, I would have been calmer (on the inside) and possibly saved my body much stress. But no, we want things done quickly and therefore suffer. As did this poor driver, who was cursing and getting worked up!
As my Sufi teacher tells us, these demands are put upon us by our Selfish Ego, that wants more and wants it quickly. We have to develop our Higher Self or our Soul, and learn to distance from these incessant demands. This takes reflection and self-awareness. As we practice this, and this practice is life-long, we get better at it, and can even learn to relish and enjoy those moments when we don’t get our way, but secretly know that something better is in store for us. What is even harder though is that as we do this hard inner work, we should always remain humble and compassionate. So even as we see people being triggered, we should never feel superior or gloat. What we can do is wish for all to develop their capacity for patience and gratitude. With reflection and inner work, these practices can deepen and take hold. That is all we have control over, so why not focus there? Why waste time in the blame or shame game? And it is quite simple- just make patience and gratitude your intentions every day. With continued practice, the inner peace follows.
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