This Mother’s Day I wanted to honor my mother-in-law, Shams Un Nehar Begum or Ammajan as she was called by all, so that my children and grandchildren learn a bit more of their heritage and the loving grandmother they got little time to spend with. I first met Ammajan when my family returned to Pakistan in 1973 as my father was posted back to home base after five years at the UN. Shahid and I had been engaged here, and now the wedding was to be held in Karachi, where most of Shahid’s family settled after Partition (1947 India/Pakistan Partition). Meeting a traditional matriarch from the Dehliwalla (people from Dehli) community was apprehensive to contemplate, but as soon as I met her, she melted my heart with her love and care and curiosity about me. She explained how Dehliwallas traditionally do things, and I – being a curious culturalist- enjoyed learning so much about this community- traditional and business oriented- which was diametrically opposed to the family I came from- liberal and professionalism oriented. It was a blessing to see how different cultures can meet, appreciate, and adapt to each other!
The scene that I remember the most is Ammajan hosting the whole clan every Sunday in the front reception room with windows onto the veranda of their home called Shahid Manzil at Purani Numaish. It is near Quaid-e-Azam’s mazaar (tomb) and surrounded by the Shia community and their famous Imam Barah (mosque). Ammajan was the radiant matriarch of the clan every Sunday, and everyone would sit on the floor leaving a divan (sort of a daybed) open for Shahid’s traditionalist father to enter and be greeted by everyone. It was like a royal reception. Until Babuji (as my father-in-law was called) would enter, everyone would be talking and laughing, and as soon as he entered it was quiet. However, Ammajan would be setting up big tables in the sehen (an indoor verandah in traditional Indian/Pakistani homes with no roof but surrounded by all the other rooms in the house) to serve up her delicious food.
To me, she was the sweetest and most generous mother-in-law who thrived on the family’s togetherness and love for each other and passed on the traditional family values to all. She had a special love for Shahid, as he was the youngest brother of 6, and the fun-loving brother to 3 sisters and 5 sister-in-laws. He formed a Cousin’s Club and Roses Club there as there were plenty of cousins and nephews/nieces before he imported the idea to New Jersey. The idea of these clubs was to plan and conduct social events and have lots of fun. Of course, besides games, food was the biggest topic. Dehliwallas love their cuisine, and it is known as one of the most sophisticated cuisines in the Sub-Continent. Every conversation to this day begins with “kya pakka hai” (what has been cooked today?) and “kya khaya aaj?” (What did you eat today?) and then delicacies are rattled off to collective approval! Shahid came to the US to study and stayed with his only sibling abroad, Dr. Mumtaz Ahmed, who came here as a Fulbright Scholar in early 60’s. Fortunately, Mumtaz Bhai had married a Greek American, thereby paving the way for me, a “German” Punjabi, to marry into the clan! I remember when their family was preparing clothes for the bride, i.e. me, they made them quite ample in size thinking that Punjabi girls are not as petite, and they all had to be altered! Throughout her life, Shahid used to go to Pakistan every year to see his mother, and I remember how he would enter the front room of the house where she sat on a divan, and just lie down with his head in her lap, while she stroked it. It was the sweetest scene to witness.
The month of Ramadan was a special month for Ammajan. Her day started one hour before Saher (dawn) by waking everyone for preparation of start of Roza (fasting). Adults and half-awake children would gather around the table to eat what Ammajan cooked night before along with a special sweet treat only available in Ramadan. Once the Muezzin announced Aazan on a loudspeaker, everyone would stop eating/drinking suddenly…and the fasting began. It was her mission to complete Quran recitation before the end of Ramadan, as is very customary in today’s generations as well.
She was lucky to see the family’s migration to Pakistan and the success they achieved in Karachi after leaving behind everything in the Partition riots. To this day several of her close relatives are in India and often join family Zoom calls. Ammajan was very proud of the Dehliwalla culture- which was a very distinct North Indian Muslim culture- and embodied all their core values, which were hospitality, serving others, working hard, never complaining and always showering affection and duas (prayers) on everyone. May her soul rest in peace, Amen.
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