An incident with friends recently got me unstuck again- I had not been blogging for a few weeks, and I was grateful for the unintentional nudge through this incident. Observing human behavior and putting it in the context of my Sufi training is such a fun project for me, so I was glad to have something to think and write about.
We were out to dinner with close friends and just chitchatting as usual. At some point the conversation began to discuss a third person who was not there in a very positive light, which is a good thing. Nevertheless, one person got “triggered “as the conversation became all about how much money this third person makes. So, then the whole conversation became about backtracking and reducing the tension. Most of us outside the conversation were enjoying the back and forth immensely but not joining in. We realized of course that all of us get caught up in discussing wealth and how much others have as if that is the most valuable quality about them…it’s the nature of our materialistic world. I am as guilty of it as any other person! We all should be speaking more about the values and character of people as that is the true legacy they leave behind.
In any case, the next day the person who got triggered sent a text apologizing that they got triggered, which was a sign of great self-awareness and “Ihsan” as the Sufis call it. Ihsan is such a beautiful term, but one way to think about it is noble behavior versus crude behavior. I acknowledged that person and congratulated them on their self-awareness, as not everyone takes the time to reflect, to reexamine and to own their behavior that might have led to tension or negativity. And I promised I would blog about it!
On the journey to self-awareness, we have the opportunity to learn many wonderful things, and to constantly engage in effort to be better. That does not mean we will not make mistakes or get triggered, but if we can pause and reflect, even later, we are well on our way to deeper self-awareness which leads to beautiful relationships and harmony. Therefore, reflection on our own behavior is the best of behaviors, as this person demonstrated. Holding up the mirror to ourselves allows us to see the weaknesses and gaps and make efforts to continuously improve it. It is a great joy and reward to go inward in this manner and engage in self-directed change.
I am fortunate that I get to participate in Sufi zikrs and sohbets and learn from the masters through their stories that link human behavior to spirituality and closeness to our Creator. In fact, my Sufi teacher said only yesterday at the Friday khutbah that praying and conducting all practices without reflection on who we are as human beings and how we behave towards others leaves our faith incomplete. We have the capacity to reflect and change, and it is an amazing gift. Not only does it bring inner peace, it also beams outer peace as we are all energetic beings and our energy shifts effect all those around us.
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