Every incident is an opportunity to see our patterns of thinking and improve them
I was so excited as we drove into Manhattan to meet up with my family for my birthday celebration that evening. My husband had gotten over COVID recently and it seemed a good idea to celebrate together.
As we were leaving, some negative signs started to appear- the Universe was whispering to me, but I was deaf.
Sign #1- My husband said that I’m very weak from COVID and I don’t feel like going or driving. I said how can you not go to my birthday party? So, I offered to drive into Manhattan from New Jersey, a ride that can vary drastically depending on timing etc.
Mindfulness Lesson #1 If I had empathized with my husband’s state and that he might not enjoy it, I could have postponed the celebration. Just because the plan was made, did not mean that we could not cancel. It is important to tune in and listen to the Unsaid.
Sign #2-As we drove into Manhattan, our normal 40-minute drive turned into an hour and a half because of the UN General Assembly session and heavy traffic from the get-go. I noticed my tension and anger that I had to do the driving in the mess. But I kept going.
Mindfulness Lesson #2 If I had listened to my own tension and resentment of driving in mad traffic, I would have stopped and said this is not worth it and turned back. Again, we must turn off the automatic pilot that tells us we have to do what we planned, and that we cannot change it now. Always be ready to stop and reevaluate an initially exciting idea that turns difficult.
As we were walking in the dark with our hands full to go to the apartment and celebrate, I took a tiny mis-step with giant consequences. My left foot tripped in the most bizarre manner, and I fell to the ground like a tree; I could hear bones cracking as I screamed in pain. Next thing, I’m on my back in a puddle with lots of people around me waiting for the ambulance.
Over the next few hours, as I got taken to ER and splinted, I could not believe that I had managed to hurt myself so badly by one small misstep- I broke three bones in my lower left leg and left ankle and my life came to a screeching pause in one second. Anger, frustration, guilt, remorse, regret came in waves to interrupt my pain episodes. I kept thinking, I just hiked in Zion National Park and Bryce Canyon, and I was fine, but one mis-step on a City sidewalk broke so many bones? I was a member of a 10,000 step a day Wanderers’ Club; I was going to the gym several times a week; I was part of a 3 woman walking trio; how could this happen to me? And yes, I was going to physical therapy for the left knee and left ankle too- obviously I had overdone something way before this accident!
Accidents happen to all age groups, but as a senior I am taking stock of the overactive lifestyle that I have sustained. I am known as a highly active grandmother who loves to babysit her grandchildren, an active person for my age who works out and goes for walks daily, and an activist working for many social justice causes. I am always the go-to person for women’s carpooling or organizing gatherings and we are part of a very active social community.
Mindfulness Lesson #3- When we try to be overly helpful or active, It can be hurtful. We may over anticipate expectations, over program plans, make offers that are not manageable, and most importantly not recognize or just gloss over ours or others’ boundaries and limits. These could be physical or emotional limits – we have to listen to the signals and stop when necessary. Somehow, I was in competition with myself. I would tell my sister how proud I was of my extremely busy schedule as if it was a badge of performance. I finally saw the wisdom of my family and friends who had told me to slow down.
Call it baby boomer arrogance desi style (desi’s are people of Subcontinent descent). We desis like extreme formality, hospitality, togetherness, fun – we basically cannot sit still- and don’t realize how impractical it is and what stress it creates. A typical question on a weekend is: oh, we are not doing anything this weekend? Well, let’s make something happen!
Mindfulness Lesson #4 As baby boomers, we should stay fit but be humble and modest in the activities we take on and slow down our social lifestyle. We should listen to the body, as they often say, and allow our mental age to catch up to our physical age.
I will not be able to resume normal activities for 6 months, and it is a painful tedious road to recovery. But I intend to use it as much as possible to heal, to change, to develop mindfulness, to leave bad habits behind and choose wisely what activities or projects I take on in my senior years. I will have a lot of time to reflect and mine my wisdom and knowledge, and finally write that book I have always wanted to. Winter is coming so it is a perfect time to hibernate and appreciate and document my life and knowledge. Of course, there is always Medium to keep me engaged in reading and writing real human stories- something to inspire me and engage me.
As painful and humbling that this experience is, I know that there are many more lessons to be learned and that I will be a transformed person with greater wisdom, patience, gratitude, and humility. As my spiritual path teaches me, a challenge is a time to learn, grow and develop. It is a time to accept and deal with it, but also to learn and adopt new life lessons.
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