I am always moved at weddings when they say: “to have and to hold in sickness and in health until death do us part”! Notwithstanding the fact that “death” can come before death in strange and different shapes in marriages, I have always wondered at the power of vows. What a precious gift we have: to vow and to keep the vow; to invest and nurture the vow; to communicate and reconcile when it is broken; and if we break the vow, to repent and compensate.
This past weekend was a lovely friendship weekend for Shahid and me as we hosted a group of 19 friends who spent a long weekend at a house in Hunter Mountain five years ago. This has been a tradition initiated by my husband Shahid for over 30 years. He loves to organize this as a homage to the meaning of “friendship” in Pakistan, which is an incredibly special relationship. We watched video clips of the silly things we did on that trip: dressing up and dancing as hippies; enacting a Pakistani drama- where all actors had to improvise at the last minute; dressing up in white and posing like a hospital staff and a variety of talent shows!
The next day some close friends who couldn’t make it to the evening event, came to our house for leftovers and a special after-party. As they left, I was so appreciative of the special gift of friendship that we all have and that we know will sustain us through sickness and in health. So much has changed in our community but our friendships have stayed constant. It reminded us to treasure our health (physical) and our relationships (emotional and social). It reminded us to appreciate our unique gifts and our differences; it sure wouldn’t be fun if we were all the same! In fact, seeking out friendships outside our normal social or ethnic circle is even more rewarding and enriching, and a practice I hold dear. My daughter jokes that I talk about my friends in ethnic terms, e.g. Arab, Turkish, Irish, Jewish, Indian, etc. while her twin sister talks about friends in terms of professions!
That is what made me think of wedding vows. When we become friends, we implicitly vow to each other to be there in sickness and in health, in joy and in sadness. Perhaps it is the implicit nature of friendship vows that makes it so treasured and beholden as we never announce these like a husband and wife. So here is to friendships as an important human relationship, unique and different from family relationships which have their own beauty and treasure. May we always be present to the implicit vows of friendship and nurture the field of friendship.
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