Last night I watched a movie (my own daily addiction) on Prime Video called “Don’t Worry, He won’t get far on foot” featuring Joaquim Phoenix, an actor known for his intense performances. It’s a well-done movie and a true story about John Callahan who almost dies in a car accident due to his alcohol addiction, but gets a new lease on life with the help of a girlfriend and a mentor, and soon is discovered for his cartoonist talent. At the end of the movie, he goes around to all the people who he has held grudges against throughout his life, starting with his mother who gave him up for adoption and who he cannot locate no matter how hard he tries, to the drinking companion who got him drunk and into the car accident to begin with leaving him paralyzed. Supported by his mentor, he musters up the courage and goes down the list of people and it is magnificent to see his inner and outer transformation. Another name for this movie could be the “Power of Forgiveness”. T
Then this morning the quote below showed up on my Islamic feed, which prompted me to write this blog. Seeking forgiveness requires us to not listen to our ego, or nafs as the Sufis call it. Our ego is concerned with being right, looking good, being perfect, not failing, etc. So, when we think of forgiving someone’s hurt, disrespect, neglect, nastiness, etc. we want to hang on to that feeling of being wronged. It feels so good and so right to hang on to it. What we don’t know is that we are hanging onto our own wound and not letting it heal. We also don’t want to take the first step, and would rather the other person take the first step, not knowing how good it feels to be the first one to do it!
To conquer that feeling and then actually grant forgiveness or ask for forgiveness takes a lot of effort and internal strength and work. This is what we mean when we use the word “jihad”, which means to struggle. I personally believe that if going around to the people who hurt you and forgiving them verbally is too hard, the next best way is to grant forgiveness in the heart and then behave normally, as if all is well. One could also journal about the pain, and then let it go without necessarily talking about it. The beauty and value of this is that as the quote below says: “For every person you forgive, you heal a wound of your own.” It all boils down to the fact that to enrich our lives, and live calmer, more meaningful and stress-free lives, we have to work harder on ourselves, our inner selves, than on others. When the inner universe expands, the riches just keep coming and we truly get to taste the beauty of life. And as family and friends, we can encourage each other’s transformation, just as the mentor did in this movie.
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