Within my blogs, I started a series called “50 Years an American”. This is Part III- the not so rosy era after 9/11:
A few weeks ago, I was approached by a Bergen County magazine who wanted to feature me on their cover to show how diverse Bergen County is and also spotlight the interfaith work that I am involved in. I was really honored that this magazine for seniors in our county made this request. In the past, I had been featured in magazines and newspapers on Wall Street for the American Express Tower Cabling Project, for being a working mom with 4 kids in Savvy magazine, for the first business process reengineering project at Shearson Lehman Brothers, the first international business reengineering project for AT&T- I was even in a video sent to all AT&T sales people across the globe- it was total fun, and I still think I have that VCR! There is a photo of me- protesting at Hackensack Court House- in the Bergen Record holding a sign “War creates Terrorism” just before the Iraq War. I must have been smoking something to waste my time that way! Friends and family were worried about my physical safety and state of mind too.
In any case, the magazine representative-a lovely intelligent and compassionate woman- visited my home and we hit it off really well, as we are both writers too, and had so much in common. I had postponed the interview a few times, and now it was time to talk. I had been on the fence about it, and thinking about the benefits versus the potential harm of being on that cover. On the plus side, it would be a great message to show how Muslims have been living in NJ for decades, being productive members of society both as career people and community builders and most importantly, raising a new generation of Americans who happen to be Muslim but who love this country, and yes, who love the planet too and all its peoples- these are not mutually exclusive!
On the potential harm side, why should I put myself out in the open and endanger my family just to boost the self-image of Bergen County as a diverse county? What if some angry hateful person decides to come after me? How will I walk in the parks with my grandchildren, or go for lone walks in the summer evenings or even sit on my deck reading books? Would I be always looking over my shoulder? Maybe they won’t come after me, since I don’t wear a hijab, right? That’s the only thing these haters hate perhaps. They just want us to blend in and not stand out. What a dilemma, I thought to myself. Being a community builder, I love to speak, write and promote understanding, and have made it my business to do that in my unretirement years in addition to leisurely, fun grandparenting.
Fortunately, the interviewer was compassionate, and understood my fears. She actually acknowledged that they were totally justified given today’s environment. And we parted to give us both time to think more deeply about this idea. I have not decided whether to go ahead with this, but the point of my post is that hate is drowning out peaceful voices sadly, and loads of money is funding the hate machine and the war machine and both go hand in hand. The statistics and stories of Islamophobia, immigrant phobia, anti-Semitism, growing Asian phobia point to one single truth- if you don’t love yourself, you learn to hate too easily. So, let’s learn to love ourselves which will allow us to love others for the sake of peace. Can you really have a heart if you don’t wish for peace for all?
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