Happy Birthday dearest Amijan

Happy Birthday Amijan!
What does the term “mother” conjure up for you, whether your mother is living or passed on? As I was getting ready for my mother’s 88th birthday celebration this past weekend, I paused to reflect on what motherhood means to every human being – isn’t it the ultimate definition of love, patience, pride, sacrifice, generosity and the deepest bond of human connection? And what does my mother (Akhtar Ali Sher Aryne Farooq mean to me?
All mothers define their own brand of motherhood that embellish these universal values in a different way, and they pass it down to their children. When I think back on our lives as a family and her specific role and influence on us, I have to think in chunks and what role my mother played. The chunks were different places we lived in, different phases of our lives, different phases of my kids’ lives and of course later on health events and changes.
In Germany, where we were when I was five years to almost ten years old, I remember how skinny my mother was and yet how strong. She cared for us older three, and had the fourth child in Germany just before we left. I remember the coal hearth in the center of our garden apartment, which she used to put us on after baths, and rub oil into our bodies. I remember her cleaning out the coal every morning as it was used to heat the apartment all night. She always had a love for baking, and in Germany, she got to perfect it and learn many new types of cakes and delicacies. And as sewing was always her passion, she continued to sew our clothes all through the night…I remember her staying up all night to get our Eid clothes ready for the Pakistani Embassy. Her comfort or sleep did not matter, just caring for us.
When we moved back to Pakistan for 2 years, she went back to teaching Montessori, and I remember her getting ready in saris to go to work. It reinforced what my father always preached which was that women should be just as independent and educated as men, although in practice this was far from the case, as the predominant culture still prevailed, and the notion of working women had not entered women’s consciousness anywhere in the world, even the West!
Our next phase- Turkey- was a continuation of the hard-working home maker, although I do remember her playing cards with 3 other couples that my parents were friends with. We would have sleepovers at different homes, and while they played cards, all the kids made sugar cookies, played games, etc. Weekends and holidays were for traveling and adventure- we saw every corner of Turkey, plus Lebanon, Syria, and of course Iran and Pakistan on our road trip back to Karachi. Various relatives and friends visited and stayed with us, and all I remember is her cooking, serving, cleaning, sewing, baking and enjoying it throughout- never complaining a bit! She used to hang our carpets out in the backyard and beat them with a brush, and I remember her enjoying the whole process as if it was a great workout. The only thing she complained about was moving every 3-5 years from country to country.
The next phase was our New York City move, which became our final home, even though my parents and my youngest brother Omar got to live in Brazil for 3 years after our NYC stay of 5 years; my biggest regret is that I did not get to visit them there, but from what my sister Sabah tells me, as she did get to visit, it was a wonderful life, and an amazing country to live in! I also got to know what she doesn’t like -big diplomatic parties at the UN, which was a great bonus for me, as my Dad would take me along to socialize and make new friends! Each sibling learns different things from their parents, and socializing was definitely something I got from my father.
For me, through all those fuzzy memories, what stands out the most is my mother’s selflessness, hard work, and talents like sewing, cooking, even calligraphy which she had taken up in Germany and was a master at and a quiet power, where much was communicated non-verbally. Very rarely would she lose her temper, and the only time I remember is when I refused to learn to cook and instead went out to play tennis- she threw down the kitchen towel and said: how will you ever get married if you don’t know how to cook? When I had my own first child Mona, she flew here from Pakistan, and stayed with me for 6 months helping me adapt to motherhood. Later on, my siblings Sabah and Omar were very helpful with the other kids- Reza, and the twin girls Sheema and Sonia, but the first child is of course the biggest transformation for any family, and I cannot thank her enough for that! When she arrived, NYC had the longest power outage and we were living on the 7th floor of a West Bronx apartment- I remember walking all day all over town while 9 months pregnant with my mother and husband all day just to escape the heat and dark.
And of course for each of us five siblings: I, Sabah, Pasha, Farah and Omar, her influence and role will have been very different. For example, Sabah has been her primary caregiver for over ten years since my mother’s stroke, and that sacrifice and service puts her relationship at a whole different level than for any of us. Amijan also lived with Pasha and family in Karachi after our father’s death and they both dealt with my paternal grandparents’ death soon after my father’s sudden passing. Farah also was in Pakistan while Amijan was there in those days finishing medical school and getting married; and finally Omar was the baby of the family, and even now is the major assistant to Sabah in care giving. I have always observed her special relationships with my kids as they grew up, for she was the main grandparent they know and love, as the other 3 left too soon. Whether it was baking a gingerbread cake or sewing their prom dresses, all those memories shaped their childhood and added beauty and love. Their mutual love and caring is a joy to behold to this day as it touches and spreads to encompass the whole family.
And as they have their own children, I practice what I learned from my mother: making every moment special for them, which makes it even more special for me- I pinch myself that I have the time and energy to enjoy these little beings and to provide some support to their busy parents! So in many ways my mother is a role model for me as a grandmother too!
Happy Birthday Amijan- we are blessed to have you and the light of your presence around us.